Creating a Values List to Live By

Anna Welch, Advanced Clinical Fellow

Oftentimes, people seek out therapy to strengthen their sense of self. This might look like addressing patterns that aren’t working, improving communication skills, or learning how to set boundaries. Making changes to longstanding ways of being is difficult and can bring a lot of big questions to the surface. Sometimes, we might know that we want things to be different, but we’re not sure where to start. This is where clarifying values can serve an essential purpose.

What are values?

Values are principles we orient ourselves around. They might be concepts we already align with, or ones we aspire to live by. They encompass a broad range of ideas, as can be seen in the (non-exhaustive) example list below:

  • Authenticity

  • Commitment

  • Independence

  • Patience

  • Security

  • Risk-taking

  • Leisure

  • Kindness

  • Success

  • Integrity

  • Service

  • Wisdom

  • Friendship

  • Humility

In order to clarify one’s values, I recommend referencing an extensive list like this one from Brené Brown’s website or this one from Therapist Aid. Spend some time contemplating each value, considering what it means to you and why. Feel free to look up definitions if you feel unclear on exact meanings. Then, create a shorter list of the values that resonate with you the most. I’ll suggest two possible ways to go about this:

  • First (as suggested in the Therapist Aid resource), you can rank your values from 1–10, with 1 being your top value.

  • Or, if you prefer a less hierarchical approach, make a list of the top five values that resonate most with you.

Write down your list somewhere you can reference it anytime you wish, such as your daily planner or a notes app on your phone. As you move through life, return to your values list when making decisions or when you need to reorient yourself during times of turbulence. A values list can be hugely helpful in shifting from making decisions based on what feels familiar to making decisions based on what is most aligned with your highest inner good. Over time, you may notice that certain values on your list are not as important or aligned as you originally thought. Feel free to treat the list as an iterative process that evolves along with you.

While it may sound simple, creating a values list to live by is challenging, emotionally involved work. Having a therapist to guide you through this process can be deeply meaningful and supportive. If you’d like to get started, feel free to reach out to anna@intuitivehealingnyc.com.

Lindsey PrattComment