So, What Is EMDR?
Eliza Bienstock, MHC, MA, EdM
Maybe you've seen a therapist on TikTok moving their fingers side to side. Maybe a friend told you EMDR changed everything for them. Maybe you watched Prince Harry try it on camera in his docuseries with Oprah. EMDR is having a moment, and it can sound (and look) mysterious. So what is it, actually?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a therapy that helps the brain process memories that still feel unresolved. These are the memories that, years later, can still make your heart race or your stomach drop. EMDR doesn't erase what happened. It helps the memory lose its intensity, so you can recall it without feeling like you're back in it.
Psychologist Francine Shapiro developed EMDR in the late 1980s. It has since been widely studied and is recommended by organizations including the World Health Organization.
At the heart of EMDR is something called bilateral stimulation. "Bilateral" means both sides. In EMDR, this means gently activating the left and right sides of the body in an alternating rhythm, usually by following a moving finger or light with your eyes, feeling taps on your knees or shoulders, or holding small buzzers that pulse back and forth. Because each side of the body connects to the opposite side of the brain, this rhythm engages both sides of the brain at once.
Why Does It Work?
Researchers are still learning, but there are a few leading theories:
Finishing unfinished processing: Overwhelming experiences don't always get filed away like ordinary memories. They can stay stored with the original images, emotions, and body sensations. EMDR seems to help the brain complete that processing and link the memory to what you know now.
Working memory: Holding a memory in mind while following eye movements or tapping divides your attention. The memory becomes less vivid and less charged, and may be stored again in that softer form.
REM sleep: The side to side eye movements resemble REM sleep, when the brain naturally sorts through emotional experiences.
Connecting thinking and feeling: When something overwhelming happens, the emotional parts of the brain can take over while the thinking parts go offline. Bilateral stimulation may help these systems communicate again, so you can feel the feeling and make sense of it.
Most likely, it's a combination.
What Does EMDR Look Like in Session?
It varies by therapist and by what feels right for you. Some people prefer eye movements, others prefer tapping or buzzers. You and your therapist will find the type of bilateral stimulation that feels most comfortable.
Before starting EMDR processing, it's important to build a strong foundation. You and your therapist will spend time getting to know each other, creating a sense of safety, and practicing tools that help you feel calm and grounded when emotions run high. This preparation might take a few weeks or a few months. Both are normal, and the pace is set by what you need.
Every processing session looks a little different, but here's a general outline of what you might expect.
First, you and your therapist choose a memory to work with. You'll bring it to mind and notice a few things: the image that stands out most, the belief about yourself that comes with it (like "I'm not safe" or "It was my fault"), the emotions it brings up, and where you feel it in your body.
Then you'll add bilateral stimulation and simply notice what comes up. After a short set, your therapist will pause and ask what you're noticing. You don't need to explain or analyze it. A word or two is enough. Then you'll continue with the next set.
There's no right or wrong way to do this. Your mind might drift to another memory, an image, a body sensation, or a thought that seems totally unrelated. We follow wherever it goes, because that free association is part of how the brain heals. You don't have to share every detail out loud, and you can pause at any time.
Over time, the memory often feels less distressing, and a kinder, truer belief about yourself, like "I'm safe now" or "I did the best I could," can take its place.
Who Is EMDR For?
EMDR began as a trauma therapy, and that's still what it's best known for. But it can help with many other painful experiences across the spectrum, including the embarrassing moment you still cringe about, a painful breakup, a hard conversation with a parent, or being teased as a kid. It can also help with anxiety, fears, and moments that keep replaying in your head.
If something from your past still feels especially heavy, EMDR may help.
Ready to Learn More?
If you're curious whether EMDR could be a good fit for you, reach out to our team today!