Feeling Lost? Let Your Values Be Your Guide
Molly Rushing, Advanced Clinical Fellow
Life often takes us in directions we never saw coming. Losing a job, an identity, or a loved one can leave us feeling unmoored and disoriented, uncertain about what to do next or which direction to take. A lack of life direction can lead to feelings of stagnation, anxiety, or depression. The initial painful event may be just the beginning, launching us into extended periods of confusion and languishing. If you’re feeling lost or uninspired, it might be time to reconnect with your values.
How Should We Define Values?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) founder Dr. Steven Hayes describes values as deeply held ideals that guide and inform how we want to show up in the world. Values are dynamic and evolving, and unique to each individual. Unlike goals, which are measurable, achievable outcomes with a clear endpoint (like completing a marathon), values represent enduring qualities or directions we can move toward (such as living a healthy lifestyle).
While goals can serve as helpful mile markers along the way, values are like a compass, helping us re-orient when we feel unsure of which way to turn.
How Do I Know What My Values Are?
Exploring your values can be a reflective, even playful, process that you can do on your own, with a friend, or in therapy. Journaling about the motivations and passions that have driven you throughout your life can be a great start. You might also try reflecting on simple prompts like: “At the end of your life, what do you hope people will remember about you?” or “What qualities do you want to embody, no matter the situation?”
There are also practical tools that can help, such as values card sorts or similar free online tools that can help you hone in on the priorities that matter most to you.
So… Now What?
Once you’ve identified your most meaningful values (try aiming for five to ten), take time to reflect on how aligned your current life is with those ideals. Are there areas where your behaviors or habits don’t quite match your values? Are there small ways you could adjust your day-to-day actions to move closer to the person you want to be?
What I love most about this process is that it doesn’t require a dramatic life overhaul. You don’t need to wait for permission, clarity, or a change in your circumstances. Once you reconnect with your values, you can begin reclaiming your direction through small, deliberate choices—starting now.
Our lives are made up of days, and our days are shaped by the hundreds of choices we make moment to moment. When you identify the values that matter most to you, you can begin living with greater intention and reclaim the direction of your life.