Carrying Two Identities: The Children of Immigrants
Dina Borisova, Advanced Clinical Fellow
Do you ever feel like you’re caught between two worlds—honoring your cultural roots while trying to fit into the society around you? If so, you're not alone. Many people raised in immigrant or non-Western families experience this internal tug of war. It’s more than cultural confusion—it’s about identity, belonging, and often, guilt.
There’s a quote that resonated deeply across social media a few years back, capturing Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:
“My parents faced the task of survival, and I, self-actualization.”
For those of us whose families came from struggle, it can feel indulgent—or even wrong—to want more than just stability. Maybe you’ve asked yourself: Am I allowed to rest? To dream? To say no?
As a therapist from a non-Western background, I’ve lived through these questions too—and I see them often in the lives of others. We often carry the weight of intergenerational expectations, feeling as though we must not only fulfill our own goals, but also the dreams and sacrifices of our parents and grandparents. You might also be experiencing survivor’s guilt—the emotional tension that arises when you benefit from opportunities that were out of reach for those before you.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you're navigating two identities:
Honor complexity. You are not one or the other. You are both—and that duality isn’t a hindrance to who you are, rather, an asset.
Find community. You're not alone in this. It may help if you surround yourself with others who understand what it means to live in-between.
Be gentle with the differences. Western family norms may look very different from the expectations you were raised with, and navigating that gap can feel confusing or even painful. Finding your voice is important, but it doesn't have to come at the cost of disconnection with your family. It's possible to honor your growth while still holding care for where you come from.
Your feelings are valid. Wanting ease, rest, or joy doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten where you come from. Choosing to grow in your own way isn’t a betrayal of your roots. These inner conflicts are real, and you deserve the space to explore them—without guilt, without apology, and with deep compassion for everything you carry.
Working with a therapist who understands cultural impacts can offer a space to reflect, process, and reconnect with yourself in a way that feels true.
Not to choose one identity over another, but to integrate both. Not to erase your roots, but to expand from them.
You are allowed to be whole—just as you are—a blend of all the experiences your roots, and your life, have given you.