Carrying Two Identities: The Children of Immigrants

Dina Borisova, Advanced Clinical Fellow

Do you ever feel like you’re caught between two worlds, honoring your cultural roots while trying to fit into the society around you? If so, you're not alone. Many people raised in immigrant or non-Western families experience this internal tug of war. It’s more than cultural confusion—it’s about identity, belonging, and often, guilt.

There’s a quote that resonated deeply across social media a few years back, capturing Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: “My parents faced the task of survival, and I, self-actualization.” 

For those of us whose families came from struggle, it can feel indulgent, or even wrong, to want more than just stability. Maybe you’ve asked yourself: Am I allowed to rest? To dream? To say no?

As a therapist from a non-Western background, I’ve lived through these questions too—and I see them often in the lives of others. We often carry the weight of intergenerational expectations, feeling as though we must not only fulfill our own goals, but also the dreams and sacrifices of our parents and grandparents. You might also be experiencing survivor's guilt—the emotional distress when benefiting from opportunities that were unavailable to your parents, or grandparents. 

Your feelings are valid. Wanting ease, rest, or joy doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten where you come from. Choosing to grow in your own way isn’t a betrayal of your roots. These inner conflicts are real, and you deserve the space to explore them—without guilt, without apology, and with deep compassion for everything you carry.

Working with a therapist who understands cultural impacts can offer you a space to ask: Whose expectations am I living for? What parts of my identity feel true to me? What do I want to keep, and what can I release?

You don’t have to choose one world over the other. You can belong to both, and you can define what that looks like for yourself.