Male Loneliness

Lily Boyar, MA, MHC

Men & Mental Health

Not surprisingly, men and women have different needs and approaches to therapy based on how they are socialized. Women are taught to be nurturing and caregiving, and often learn to weave a network of support to meet their emotional needs. Women are much more likely to reach out for mental health support and are taught to foster and tend to relationships. Men, on the other hand, are socialized to be rational, logical, problem solvers. From the time they are young boys, they learn the traditional expectations of masculinity, which encourage independence and internal strength rather than outward vulnerability. While these traits can be beneficial in some settings, as a culture, we do not teach men the important skills necessary for developing meaningful relationships, expressing their feelings, and seeking emotional support, which greatly impacts their mental health. 

The Facts

Without the appropriate tools for psychological safety and emotional support, men are also far more likely to externalize their emotions through anger, aggression, and addiction, which not only poses risks to them but also becomes a greater public health concern. As a woman and feminist, I also see the implications this has on their female counterparts, especially given the roles they tend to play in men’s lives. They are reporting higher levels of isolation and loneliness compared to women, which not only impacts their quality of connection but also their physical health. For example, men are far more likely to have chronic illness, sleep issues, and substance use (AAMC). The social stigma and judgment, as well as culture, race, fatherhood, and socioeconomic status, influence whether men seek out therapeutic treatment in the first place, according to Anxiety and Depression Association of America. And studies show that when men do seek care, they are far less likely to be diagnosed with depression, but four times more likely to die by suicide than their female counterparts (AAMC). 

Reinventing Manhood 

Beyond my love and appreciation for men and having wonderful male role models in my own life, I am drawn to this work to help challenge the traditional masculinity norms and create a safe place for men to explore vulnerability and build deeper, more authentic connections and coping strategies. It is clear that toxic masculinity is killing men. However, men have so many strengths and gifts that can be drawn upon in therapy. The American Journal of Mental Health states, “It is crucial we find effective therapeutic approaches to connect and meet men where they are, acknowledging the positive aspects of their masculinity while addressing their needs in the counseling setting.” 

I have seen firsthand how men blossom when they experience non-judgmental support and a place to process their inner world. And, these benefits have a cascading effect on other male peers in their communities and impact how they parent, partner, and lead. Specializing in male mental health allows me to understand the challenges that boys and men face in our culture, with the hope that therapy can be a growing outlet for a societal transformation of manhood.