Resistance to Rest
Lily Boyar, MHC
In a fast paced, capitalistic society that is obsessed with busyness and productivity, it can be difficult to know when to rest. We are constantly monitoring our progress and rewarded for achieving our goals, from to-do lists to tracking our daily step count. And while it is important to strive and develop a strong work ethic, our emphasis on constant productivity has consequences. The cultural narrative that relaxation is “lazy” or “indulgent” not only leads to burnout and negative health and mental health outcomes, ironically it also impacts our ability to be productive. This is why companies invest in paid time off, because studies show that rest actually leads to increased work output. However, there is overwhelming data to suggest that employees aren’t taking full advantage of this, showing a real resistance to the idea of rest. Perhaps this stems from the societal narrative that our value is measured by success. By focusing on these external markers, we are internalizing that if we rest, we are somehow wasting time or being unproductive, and therefore less valuable. Perhaps, if we are able to uncouple our worth from our productivity, we can strike a better balance between “doing” and “being,” reducing the feelings of shame and guilt associated with rest.
We’ve all had the experience of slowing down and asking ourselves what we need to be doing. And I am certain there will always be an answer to that question. We can always be doing more. Read that again. But this justification is keeping us on a hamster wheel that leads to anxiety and the feeling of never being enough. We speak about rest as if it is something that’s “earned,” only after we have been productive. However, we can’t wait for life to slow down or for someone to give us permission to recharge. It is our responsibility to develop our own relationship to rest. Below are a few ideas to consider:
Reframe rest as an intentional practice. Rather than it being indulgent, think about it as a necessary part of your wellness for happiness, health and satisfaction.
Consider how you spend your rest time. For whoever needs to hear this, there is nothing wrong with sitting on the couch and vegging! And also, there are some rest activities that are more replenishing than others. Watching TV and scrolling on our phone at the same time for example, may not actually lead to true restoration. Ask yourself what activities allow you to feel at ease. You can even make yourself a “rest menu” with activities to choose from.
Reflect on perfectionism. Rest isn’t a goal-oriented activity that we need to focus on doing well. Think about just being.
Boundaries are essential for true relaxation, especially as we are endlessly accessible to work, friends and family. Consider what boundaries you can put in place to allow you to feel most rested. Maybe this means putting your phone on do not disturb in the evening, or not responding to email on the weekend.
Continue developing awareness around your relationship to rest. And bring this topic to therapy!