Reconnecting With Your Emotional Self Through “Toddler Speak”
Advanced Clinical Fellow, Anna Welch
When we are little, our feelings are big and unfiltered. Sadness comes out as wailing cries, anger as stomping feet and simple words said through clenched teeth, happiness as squeals of glee. While there are plenty of good reasons we evolve out of expressing emotions this way, many of us swing too far in the other direction.
As we grow up, we learn how to express ourselves in a more measured, mature ways. While it wouldn’t be functional to move through the world like toddlers do, it’s also not helpful to lose touch entirely with our unfiltered emotional states and needs. Yet many of us find ourselves in exactly that place.
As social beings, we quickly learn which behaviors get us praise, connection, and esteem, and which don’t. Shoving down feelings of exhaustion or frustration at work might earn you a promotion. Friends and family may lovingly describe you as happy-go-lucky or easy-going because you never voice your needs. But consistently repressing emotions and needs comes with a cost.
One of those costs can be difficulty regulating your emotions. You might feel so unfamiliar with your internal experience that when a feeling surfaces, it overwhelms you, leading to a breakdown or lashing out. Or you might feel constantly exhausted with no clear explanation. Suppressing emotions is hard work, and the energy it requires has to come from somewhere.
When clients are having a hard time letting emotions surface, an exercise I find helpful is something I call “toddler speak.” I might introduce it by asking, “How would you say it if you were a toddler?” Intuitively, most people understand this as: How would you express what you’re feeling if you weren’t worried about being polite or considerate of others? Dropping the need to be socially acceptable can be the very access point we need to reconnect with our inner world.
I always clarify that I’m not suggesting anyone use toddler speak in a work meeting or in a conversation with a loved one. Part of the beauty of the therapeutic space is the freedom to express oneself as unfiltered as possible and be met with nonjudgmental acceptance. That being said, I often encourage clients to practice toddler speak on their own, especially if they’re not yet comfortable doing it in front of someone else. This might look like thinking in toddler speak when you notice an emotion surfacing, or saying it out loud to yourself in a private space. Bonus points for stomping feet, balled fists, or any other physical expression of emotion. It might feel odd or even silly at first, but experiencing cathartic release through full emotional access can be a powerful tool for healing.
If you’re interested in beginning therapeutic work, please feel free to reach out to me at anna@intuitivehealingnyc.com.