Most of life is lived in the gray area - Building flexible thinking

Valeria West, MHC-LP

Our brain has a funny way of tricking us sometimes. It can make us believe that only one outcome is possible, that some feelings just don’t go together, or that opposite can’t be true at the same time. This can be especially true for those who struggle with anxiety. Anxiety forces us into “black or white” thinking. It tells us that worst-case scenarios are the only scenarios. And at times, the world we live in implies that we cannot feel multiple things at once. 

One of my favorite skills to teach my clients is the power of acknowledging multiple truths, even if they oppose each other. Allowing ourselves to be more flexible with our thinking and acknowledging that most of life actually happens within the gray area can lift a huge weight off of our shoulders. When we limit ourselves to choosing one possibility, one emotion, or one outcome, we are invalidating all other parts of our experience; parts that are equally as important and true. Self-invalidation prevents healing and growth. 

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking “it’s just not that simple” after receiving someone else’s strict advice or opinion, then you get it. Life really isn’t that simple. As soon as we acknowledge all of the truths within an experience, we can start to untangle and sort through what really matters. Acknowledgment is the first step toward progress.

One way to start helping your brain rewire into more flexible thinking is to incorporate “and statements” into your daily thoughts. This could sound like this:

I acknowledge that I haven’t been putting much effort into challenging my anxiety lately and I also acknowledge that it’s very challenging to break these thought patterns that I’ve struggled with my entire life.

I feel anger and disappointment at my father for engaging in abusive parenting during my childhood and I feel empathetic toward him and his lack of parenting tools at that point of his life.

I love my partner deeply and I don’t think they have the capacity to be the partner I think I deserve. 

I feel extremely grateful for all that I have and can’t help but feel frustrated at what I don’t.