"Bustle" Feature - Is My Partner Loyal?

Deanna Fernandez, MHC

Loyalty, as a value, is often tossed around without much consideration - until we question our partner’s loyalty. If you’re feeling unsure about how to approach the topic of loyalty, here’s a few questions to ask:

  • Ask your partner to define loyalty. By asking, it allows your partner to explore their definition of loyalty and process what the value means to them. This also gives you both the opportunity to explore this together... “Do we share a similar definition of loyalty? What does this look like for us as couple?” 

  • Although loyalty can sometimes be observed (Is my partner dependable, reliable, honest?), it may be helpful to ask scenario-based questions. This allows your partner to process their decision-making/judgment in a certain situation. As a couple, this allows you both to gain insight as to how you each might approach challenging situations with the other in mind. 

  • Ask questions about their past, and their thoughts of sharing a future with you. Though people can certainly mature/change behavior, if your partner has a past filled with infidelity, lying, or any other indication of disloyalty, it may be a huge indicator of how they value loyalty, if at all. Additionally, by exploring thoughts about a future together, you may get a sense of how loyal they are to you and the relationship. 

Navigating loyalty, as well as other relationship values, can be challenging! Topics as such tend to be uncomfortable and often bring couples into therapy so that each person has a safe space to share their thoughts and relationship with these values. But don’t fret! Talking about these values openly and honestly in couples therapy or at home can help build trust and intimacy, which will prove to be vital during tough times.

Read more on this topic in Deanna’s Bustle Feature here.